Tuesday, September 20, 2011
Thursday, January 28, 2010
What I learned from the Garden of Eden
Receiving the “call to motherhood,” whether good, bad or ugly, is a role that is, more or less, placed upon us with little or no training other than what we have experienced as children. We often don’t know that there is any other kind of training or parenting than what we experienced in our home. We use what we learned, until something else is desired or taught. Often a lack of social skills and education and home environment dictate how we raise a family. But this “call to motherhood” demands and requires everything we have to give and more. We have agency to change and learn and grow. Our responsibility is to do all we can to learn methods that will increase the chances of positive life experiences for our children in a most difficult environment we are living in. We must choose God in our lives. We must choose to teach and live his commandments. We must choose to know His will and be willing to implement changes as needed. We must choose to seek the scriptures to understand the role of parent, mother, and wife. We must choose to be teachable and pliable.
My goal as a frustrated mother was to get by day-to-day, feeling encouragement and seeing hope not only in the lives of my children, but also in fulfilling my calling as a mother.
I needed a visual way to consistently gauge how the children and I were doing each day. I thought of all the charts and stars and stickers I had tried and failed at. It seemed that these things always started out with a bang and ended with a fizzle. I realized that I was setting the goal and the conditions for the child and, as time went by, (and time seems so long to a child), the child lost the motivation for the “prize” or the chart got lost or I would forget to keep the chart up. What I did see was that I never attained my goal. I realized I taught the children it wasn’t important to meet a goal and they could quit just because they were tired of trying.
One evening my husband, Dave, came home from work and I’d had a bad day with the children. He let me relax and get ready the “evening movie”; this was before videotapes, while he got the children ready for bed. He put them to bed and came to join me.
We watched the movie of the week, “Kramer vs. Kramer”. This was a story of a woman who got married, had children and decided that she preferred to work outside the home. She decided that she couldn’t raise children fulltime and work full time so she decided to divorce her husband, and let him raise them. And never came back. And didn’t feel guilty.
After the movie was over, I said to Dave, in tears, “I could do that.” He knew I was serious and I knew I was in trouble. I prayed very fervently and tearfully to Heavenly Father and confessed my feelings of a young struggling mother. I pleaded for help and direction. Little by little, line upon line, precept upon precept, my mind began to open to certain basic parenting principles.
When Adam and Eve were placed in the Garden of Eden, Heavenly Father told them they could do many things while there. In fact, the garden was for their enjoyment. They could eat of any fruit-bearing tree in the garden; there was one they were commanded not to partake of.
Heavenly Father gave them their agency of choice and pronounced a consequence if they chose to go against the commandment. That consequence was “that they should surely die”. This death was a spiritual death, not physical, but at the time, Adam and Eve didn’t know that.
What did Adam and Eve Choose? What would our children choose? They chose the very thing they couldn’t have. They chose to eat the forbidden fruit. Heavenly Father executed his consequence. However, knowing his children as he did, (as we do) he provided a backup plan to help them be successful. He provided the commandments. (The Happy Face Tokens are the backup plan)
How does this relate to us as parents? As parents, we are to be positive in our parenting, by pointing out the wonders of the world and family we have been PRIVILEGED to live in. We should help the children see the blessings in their lives that come to them just by being a member of this wonderful family. (The Garden) However, there are a few rules that must exist in order for us to continue having such a wonderful earthly experience. There are also some things that are forbidden. There will be consequences, sometimes known; but even more importantly, some unknown. Nevertheless they may choose for themselves (Choice and Accountability). We should try to fit the consequence with the crime so we can be more prepared to follow through in the face of crying, begging, bargaining or promises made in the heat of the moment, never intended to be kept. Heavenly Father told Adam and Eve what their consequence would be if they chose to go against the rule. We should consistently try to do the same. When Adam and Eve made the choice to go against the rule, they had in mind what they would be facing and had to decide if the punishment was worth the choice. THEY KNEW WHAT THEY WERE CHOOSING. THERE WAS NO EXCUSE.
Yes, they acknowledged that they had made a different choice, but they expected Heavenly Father to execute his consequence just as he had stated. Do you think Adam and Eve would have been able to believe anything Heavenly Father had told them, from then on, if he had said something like: “Well, that was a pretty hard temptation, now that you know how hard it really is, I’ll give you the Garden until you give in to temptation again.” Or what if he would have said, “Maybe I expected more of you than you were capable of handling. I guess the consequence was a bit harsh, I’ll give you one more chance.” They would know that excuses work and that there is no accountability for what they chose if they cried hard enough or promised never to do it again. In fact, He would have ceased to be God. Heavenly Father listened to their excuses, and then he told them they were banished from the Garden. I’m sure there were consequences that Adam and Eve hadn’t expected living in the “Lone and Dreary world,” but they got what they chose. Heavenly Father is pleased to give us what we want. Sometimes we just don’t know what we want. So it is with our children.
On the other hand, we should remember that our Father in Heaven rewards us for keeping his commandments in many ways and he rewards us for our good works and righteous desires. We must remember to do so with our children as well.
Heavenly Father kept his word with Adam and Eve. He was firm in the administering his discipline, but he let them know of his love for them and how to make amends. We are expected to keep our word. If we do not keep our word, we are in essence lying to our children and we cease to have the authority of a parent. Our children expect and count on us to keep our word.
THE HAPPY FACE TOKEN SYSTEM is developed on this basis. It is good to understand that this program brought much happiness and cohesion to our family and was developed for the purposes of bringing Souls unto God, to be upright citizens of the world and happy family members all of which was accomplished by this miraculous program. But there are times when not much of anything is working. We are the parent; we must mean what we say. Other forms of discipline should be used to re-enforce how fun it is to collect “happy faces, happily and cheerfully”.
http://biblebasedparenting101.com/
My goal as a frustrated mother was to get by day-to-day, feeling encouragement and seeing hope not only in the lives of my children, but also in fulfilling my calling as a mother.
I needed a visual way to consistently gauge how the children and I were doing each day. I thought of all the charts and stars and stickers I had tried and failed at. It seemed that these things always started out with a bang and ended with a fizzle. I realized that I was setting the goal and the conditions for the child and, as time went by, (and time seems so long to a child), the child lost the motivation for the “prize” or the chart got lost or I would forget to keep the chart up. What I did see was that I never attained my goal. I realized I taught the children it wasn’t important to meet a goal and they could quit just because they were tired of trying.
One evening my husband, Dave, came home from work and I’d had a bad day with the children. He let me relax and get ready the “evening movie”; this was before videotapes, while he got the children ready for bed. He put them to bed and came to join me.
We watched the movie of the week, “Kramer vs. Kramer”. This was a story of a woman who got married, had children and decided that she preferred to work outside the home. She decided that she couldn’t raise children fulltime and work full time so she decided to divorce her husband, and let him raise them. And never came back. And didn’t feel guilty.
After the movie was over, I said to Dave, in tears, “I could do that.” He knew I was serious and I knew I was in trouble. I prayed very fervently and tearfully to Heavenly Father and confessed my feelings of a young struggling mother. I pleaded for help and direction. Little by little, line upon line, precept upon precept, my mind began to open to certain basic parenting principles.
When Adam and Eve were placed in the Garden of Eden, Heavenly Father told them they could do many things while there. In fact, the garden was for their enjoyment. They could eat of any fruit-bearing tree in the garden; there was one they were commanded not to partake of.
Heavenly Father gave them their agency of choice and pronounced a consequence if they chose to go against the commandment. That consequence was “that they should surely die”. This death was a spiritual death, not physical, but at the time, Adam and Eve didn’t know that.
What did Adam and Eve Choose? What would our children choose? They chose the very thing they couldn’t have. They chose to eat the forbidden fruit. Heavenly Father executed his consequence. However, knowing his children as he did, (as we do) he provided a backup plan to help them be successful. He provided the commandments. (The Happy Face Tokens are the backup plan)
How does this relate to us as parents? As parents, we are to be positive in our parenting, by pointing out the wonders of the world and family we have been PRIVILEGED to live in. We should help the children see the blessings in their lives that come to them just by being a member of this wonderful family. (The Garden) However, there are a few rules that must exist in order for us to continue having such a wonderful earthly experience. There are also some things that are forbidden. There will be consequences, sometimes known; but even more importantly, some unknown. Nevertheless they may choose for themselves (Choice and Accountability). We should try to fit the consequence with the crime so we can be more prepared to follow through in the face of crying, begging, bargaining or promises made in the heat of the moment, never intended to be kept. Heavenly Father told Adam and Eve what their consequence would be if they chose to go against the rule. We should consistently try to do the same. When Adam and Eve made the choice to go against the rule, they had in mind what they would be facing and had to decide if the punishment was worth the choice. THEY KNEW WHAT THEY WERE CHOOSING. THERE WAS NO EXCUSE.
Yes, they acknowledged that they had made a different choice, but they expected Heavenly Father to execute his consequence just as he had stated. Do you think Adam and Eve would have been able to believe anything Heavenly Father had told them, from then on, if he had said something like: “Well, that was a pretty hard temptation, now that you know how hard it really is, I’ll give you the Garden until you give in to temptation again.” Or what if he would have said, “Maybe I expected more of you than you were capable of handling. I guess the consequence was a bit harsh, I’ll give you one more chance.” They would know that excuses work and that there is no accountability for what they chose if they cried hard enough or promised never to do it again. In fact, He would have ceased to be God. Heavenly Father listened to their excuses, and then he told them they were banished from the Garden. I’m sure there were consequences that Adam and Eve hadn’t expected living in the “Lone and Dreary world,” but they got what they chose. Heavenly Father is pleased to give us what we want. Sometimes we just don’t know what we want. So it is with our children.
On the other hand, we should remember that our Father in Heaven rewards us for keeping his commandments in many ways and he rewards us for our good works and righteous desires. We must remember to do so with our children as well.
Heavenly Father kept his word with Adam and Eve. He was firm in the administering his discipline, but he let them know of his love for them and how to make amends. We are expected to keep our word. If we do not keep our word, we are in essence lying to our children and we cease to have the authority of a parent. Our children expect and count on us to keep our word.
THE HAPPY FACE TOKEN SYSTEM is developed on this basis. It is good to understand that this program brought much happiness and cohesion to our family and was developed for the purposes of bringing Souls unto God, to be upright citizens of the world and happy family members all of which was accomplished by this miraculous program. But there are times when not much of anything is working. We are the parent; we must mean what we say. Other forms of discipline should be used to re-enforce how fun it is to collect “happy faces, happily and cheerfully”.
http://biblebasedparenting101.com/
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